Shannon has Gone Home
13 years ago today, I woke at the summit of Baldface Mountain to a rainbow and a raven's call.
We had camped under the open sky the night before. I had spent a long time marveling and soaking up the abundance of stars and the clear visibilty of the milkyway, far from the light pollution of "town".
I do this often, when I camp like this, wanting to take a piece of the grandeur of the stars back with me, yet knowing it is only visible there in that space.
As I reflect on this particular trip(as this is one of many in the White Mountains of New Hampshire), I consider what sensations, physical memories we take with us, and those that are only visible from a certain place. Did the view of the stars that night, the rainbow and Raven's call leave foot prints inside of me?
What other experiences have I stored? In life I have but a few of these vivid memories. Most are centered around birth, death, marriage and other momentous experiences in my life.
What other memories do we store, accumulate in our bodies, on a day to day basis? Does our body remember the driver in traffic that flipped us off? The way a parent punished, reprimanded or shamed us? The touch of a loving partner or friend. In the practice of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy (PRYT) all of those experiences are "grist for the mill".
Who can know which ones we take in and which will roll off. It's the ones that stick and create pathways for pain that interest and intrigue me.
When recieving a session from a PRYT practitioner, I can look at all the ways the memories, emotions, experiences created habits and behaviors that no longer serve me and I am ready to let go of. My body being the one true teacher. Where is my pain? what kind of edge is it for me? What do I wish to do with this knowledge?
The reason I visit this memory today is, my daughter Shannon who lived to be 21 years old, went home to spirit, on this day 13 years ago.
I have especially been thinking about choices. What choice her beautiful spirit made to come into a life stricken with disease and pain, to spend it with me! I'm struck by the thought that her spirit trusted me with this task. A task I felt to be all too overwhelming at times, stretching the limits of my resources. As I consider this agreement and trust our souls had in one another, I think about "holding space".
In PRYT training we are taught to create and hold space, to be a loving presence and witness for our clients. This in turn allows for freedom. A sacred and safe space for clients to be and do what they're bodies are calling for, to release the held memories, feelings, words.
As I think about this holding of space, isn't that what mothers do, hold sacred space for their children. I am drawn in by the idea of our souls making this agreement that I would hold space for her to grow in whatever lessons she came to learn. As a mere human mother, I wonder as mothers will wonder, often, if I had the strength to raise her. Is there something in all of us, we mothers that allows us to dig deep and find what is required to hold that space?
I think about my choice to become a yoga therapy practitioner. Did I know it would require the same thing of me, that it would banish the self doubt I had as a young mother, and replace it with the grown woman I have become? I do know now. It is the same space I find myself holding, providing, again and again,each time a client crosses my threshold. Sacred space, safe space.
I find I am grateful for the experience, and the lessons of providing sacred space as a mother and a practitioner.
We had camped under the open sky the night before. I had spent a long time marveling and soaking up the abundance of stars and the clear visibilty of the milkyway, far from the light pollution of "town".
I do this often, when I camp like this, wanting to take a piece of the grandeur of the stars back with me, yet knowing it is only visible there in that space.
As I reflect on this particular trip(as this is one of many in the White Mountains of New Hampshire), I consider what sensations, physical memories we take with us, and those that are only visible from a certain place. Did the view of the stars that night, the rainbow and Raven's call leave foot prints inside of me?
What other experiences have I stored? In life I have but a few of these vivid memories. Most are centered around birth, death, marriage and other momentous experiences in my life.
What other memories do we store, accumulate in our bodies, on a day to day basis? Does our body remember the driver in traffic that flipped us off? The way a parent punished, reprimanded or shamed us? The touch of a loving partner or friend. In the practice of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy (PRYT) all of those experiences are "grist for the mill".
Who can know which ones we take in and which will roll off. It's the ones that stick and create pathways for pain that interest and intrigue me.
When recieving a session from a PRYT practitioner, I can look at all the ways the memories, emotions, experiences created habits and behaviors that no longer serve me and I am ready to let go of. My body being the one true teacher. Where is my pain? what kind of edge is it for me? What do I wish to do with this knowledge?
The reason I visit this memory today is, my daughter Shannon who lived to be 21 years old, went home to spirit, on this day 13 years ago.
I have especially been thinking about choices. What choice her beautiful spirit made to come into a life stricken with disease and pain, to spend it with me! I'm struck by the thought that her spirit trusted me with this task. A task I felt to be all too overwhelming at times, stretching the limits of my resources. As I consider this agreement and trust our souls had in one another, I think about "holding space".
In PRYT training we are taught to create and hold space, to be a loving presence and witness for our clients. This in turn allows for freedom. A sacred and safe space for clients to be and do what they're bodies are calling for, to release the held memories, feelings, words.
As I think about this holding of space, isn't that what mothers do, hold sacred space for their children. I am drawn in by the idea of our souls making this agreement that I would hold space for her to grow in whatever lessons she came to learn. As a mere human mother, I wonder as mothers will wonder, often, if I had the strength to raise her. Is there something in all of us, we mothers that allows us to dig deep and find what is required to hold that space?
I think about my choice to become a yoga therapy practitioner. Did I know it would require the same thing of me, that it would banish the self doubt I had as a young mother, and replace it with the grown woman I have become? I do know now. It is the same space I find myself holding, providing, again and again,each time a client crosses my threshold. Sacred space, safe space.
I find I am grateful for the experience, and the lessons of providing sacred space as a mother and a practitioner.
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